


I Know You Too Well

by robron_til_the_end



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M, Prison
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 00:58:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10400184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robron_til_the_end/pseuds/robron_til_the_end
Summary: Starting from canon, Aaron knows the truth about Robert sleeping with someone else, but can he face it? Set from Monday 20th March episode.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Set directly after Monday’s episode, because in his heart, Aaron knew that Robert had cheated. You could see it on his face. He just didn’t want to believe it… I’m also making Thursdays Aaron Robert argument a lot worse than it was on screen. Two parter and I'm sure Aaron's reaction is more muted here than it will be on screen.

Aaron knew. He’d seen that shifty guilty look on Robert’s face before, and he knew exactly what it meant. Laying on his bed in prison, staring at the ceiling, he could see the word emblazoned in front of his eyes. _Cheat_. He’d slept with someone at the first opportunity. Aaron had said “it’s over” while craving a fix, while feeling the desperate need for something to take the pain away. Had threatened to take away Robert’s visiting rights, even though he didn’t mean it. Even through the haze of need for drugs, he could remember how hurt Robert had looked. As if he couldn’t believe it, and when Robert was hurt, he drank. Aaron had walked away, and ever since he’d been feeling like a total idiot. He needed to apologise to Robert, but in the end, it wasn't him who actually needed to feel guilty, was it? He knew Robert too well, knew exactly what he looked like when he was covering up a massive lie. He looked like how Aaron had seen him this afternoon.

Maybe it’s an affair? Maybe it’s been going on weeks? Months maybe? Ever since he got sent down, because there was no way Robert could be found out. That could be why Chas was here with him. Aaron frowned though, that made no sense. Chas was the one who made that nonsense up about Robert trashing the house. He could see Robert had been bracing himself to say it, to admit it. And whatever IT was, wrecking the Mill wasn’t it.

“I let you down.” The words were ringing through his head, and he could see Robert’s completely defeated face. And when Robert hadn’t said anything further, Aaron had felt relief. Sure he’d looked relieved too, but… That was just it. **_But._**

Aaron had half thought he wouldn’t make his usual six o’clock call, knowing what Robert had done, even though Robert may have thought he’d covered it well. But he craved something, and he couldn’t go on a binge, the Spice was too dangerous. So Robert’s voice might satisfy the craving. On the other hand, it might make Aaron want to punch something, but he’d take that risk. Anything to avoid needing a drug hit.

Aaron called, and Robert answered quickly, sounding relieved. “I half thought you wouldn’t call.”

“Now, why would you think that?” Aaron asked levelly, hating how his heart jumped at Robert’s voice. Only getting it for a few minutes a day did something to him, made him appreciate it even more.

“Aaron…” Robert said softly. Was Aaron imagining it, or could he even hear the guilt in his voice?

“Go on then,” Aaron said. “Mum’s not here to stop you now. So are you going to have the balls to tell me yourself? Or am I going to have to put the words in your mouth for you?”

Aaron amazed himself by how calm he sounded. Inside he was angry, livid, hurt, and not a little bit jealous. Robert was the one who had the freedom to fuck around.

“Aaron,” Robert repeated. His voice was soft, the tone reserved only for Aaron. Or that’s what he’d thought anyway.

“I’ll think the worst anyway,” Aaron warned.

“I was so upset,” Robert said. “I went home and grabbed a whisky bottle. There wasn’t much left of it by the end of the night. I wrecked the house, because… you hurt me Aaron. The things you said. Giving up on me so easily. On us. Pushing me away and… ”

“I’m not helping you out here, Rob.”

“I slept with Rebecca.” Aaron closed his eyes. He’d expected the words, but God they hurt. They really fucking hurt.

“How long has it been going on?” Aaron asked, still with his eyes closed. “A month? Longer?”

“It hasn’t.”

“Robert…”

“It was one huge, massive mistake,” Robert said. “Only because I was so upset over you and pissed, and I wanted to hurt you at the time.

“Job done,” Aaron said into the silence.

“Aaron, please don’t let it be over,” Robert said. “I couldn’t bear it, I love you so much.”

“So much you fucked someone else. Worth it, was it?”

“No,” Robert said instantly. “Wasn’t worth one second of it. I can’t lose you.” His voice was wavering, and this wasn’t the Robert Aaron expected to hear. He had expected smarmy, lying, trying to get away with it Robert. Not honest and emotional Robert.

“I don’t think you should visit again,” Aaron said quietly.

“No, Aaron, please,” Robert said. “Don’t cut me out, that’s what drove me to make such a stupid mistake anyway! The thought of not having you.”

“This isn’t my fault,” Aaron said. “I didn’t make you have sex with her.”

“No,” Robert said. “Please let me visit. I really wanted to do this to your face but…”

“Mum stopped you,” Aaron said. “Why?”

“She thought you couldn’t cope with it,” Robert said. “Was worried that you’d get off your face again. You’re not going to?” Robert actually sounded worried.

“No,” Aaron said. “But I mean it, don’t visit. I need time. I don’t even want to look at you right now.”

“Just don’t tell me it’s over,” Robert begged.

“I can’t either way,” Aaron said. “Because all I’m seeing is you all over her. And I hate it, because I always could see it Robert. You told me so many times that there was nothing there.”

“I’d have slept with Adam on that much alcohol if he’d been there and willing,” Robert said.

“That doesn’t make it better,” Aaron snapped. “So anyone would do as long as they were there?! You said you’d wait for me.”

“And you said you wouldn’t give up on us,” Robert said sadly. He wasn’t even trying to defend himself, not really.

“Robert I need time, and I have to go. Don’t want to get a kick in for hogging the phone,” Aaron said. There was no one there but he couldn’t continue this conversation.

“Let me visit,” Robert said urgently.

“Can’t you respect the fact I’m not ready?” Aaron said. “I don’t want to talk to you. Why don’t you call Rebecca, I’m sure she has the time.”

Robert sighed, but said nothing. Neither did Aaron, they both stood there listening to each other breathing, in and out. Robert wasn’t about to be the one to hang up and they both knew it. Aaron had to force his hand to put the phone down and he sighed. Robert had slept with Rebecca. He had known from the visit that he’d slept with someone, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. Aaron wiped his eyes hurriedly and went back to his cell. Being caught crying at the phone wouldn’t do him any favours.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said 2 parts, but it's going to be 3 because I couldn't finish it off here. Hope you enjoy and thank you for the encouragement on part 1.

Aaron had spent the last two weeks of his imprisonment thinking about Robert. And Rebecca. Images of the two of them wrapped together would not leave his mind and he had no idea how, or even if he’d ever forgive Robert for this. One thing prison did do for you, though. It gave him time to think. Aaron knew he needed to know more, just the knowledge that Robert had cheated wasn’t enough. He needed details. How often? How much had it taken for Robert to forget his vows? Even worse, was he in love with her? Aaron had always sensed a threat in her, was it just sex, or was it love? And worse, would Aaron even be able to tell the difference, no matter what Robert told him? Because Aaron remembered being “just sex” to Robert’s mind not that long ago too. 

They’d spoken on the phone, but it wasn’t the same. It was mostly about Liv, or the pub, or work. The house was a dangerous subject, as was Rebecca. Aaron didn’t want to start an argument on a limited five minute phone call, because he knew he wouldn’t be able to finish it that quickly. Aaron went from feeling unbearably sad to incredibly angry several times a day, or an hour really, for the rest of his sentence. But he didn’t go for another drugs hit either, which he was proud of himself for. His world was caving in, and he didn't take anything to numb the pain.

When he was being released, Aaron looked at his wedding ring debating what to do. He couldn’t wear it, that would mean things were fine and they weren’t. He didn’t know if it ever would be again. But either way, Aaron didn’t want to lose it, Robert might be a complete unfaithful idiot, but he was the man that Aaron loved, so he couldn’t just toss it. He put the ring in his pocket as he left the prison. And no one was waiting for him either, making him feel hollow. Aaron went into the car park and almost instantly saw Liv and Robert arguing, standing either side of the car.

“We should have left earlier!” Liv screamed.

“I didn’t know we were going to get a flat tyre!” Robert shouted back. “We had more than an hour.”

“Well if you could actually change a tyre, it wouldn’t be a problem would it?” Liv snapped.

“Right, can we stop arguing,” Robert said with a sigh. “I actually want to see Aaron when he gets out.”

“Yeah, he might appreciate your moping face more than I do,” Liv grumbled.

“I have not been moping,” Robert said.

“Bloody have,” Liv said under her breath.

“Don’t swear.”

“Am I interrupting the argument?” Aaron said.

“Aaron!” Liv squealed, throwing herself into Aaron’s arms. Aaron closed his eyes and hugged her. It was so good to see her somewhere that wasn’t in a room full of strangers. 

“It’s so good to see you,” Aaron said honestly. She pulled back, grinning at him.

“I never want to come back here,” she said.

“Join the club,” Robert said.

“Rob’s nervous, tell him he’s a git,” Liv said, getting back into the car to give them a hint of privacy. Aaron looked at him.

“Hi,” Aaron said.

“I had to come,” Robert said. “I… don’t know what to do here.” Aaron couldn’t be this near to him after so long and not touch him, so in spite of the anger, the jealousy and the pure hurt, Aaron hugged him. He smelt good, his body familiar and warm and… not exclusively his any more. As that thought occurred to him, Aaron let him go, seeing that Robert was as emotional as he was.

“Does she…?” Aaron started looking at the car.

“No,” Robert said quietly. “I’ve got enough people hating me right now, I didn’t need to add someone else I love to the list.”

“Look, I can’t talk right now. Just…” Aaron shook his head. “I need to get home, I need Marlon’s chips and a I need a shower. We’ll deal with… everything else later.”

“Okay,” Robert said. He’d do anything Aaron wanted right now. They got in the car and Robert drove home quietly.

* * *

 

They couldn’t avoid the inevitable for long. Once Aaron had had a shower, a good meal, and hellos from the rest of his family, Aaron nodded to Robert and they both left the pub, Chas looking at them both curiously. It was getting dark, and Robert led them to the Mill, unlocking the door and going into the nearly finished kitchen. Robert opened the fridge, grabbed two beers and passed one to Aaron before collapsing to the floor, legs stretched in front of him. Aaron followed suit, sitting at opposite sides of the room.

“You chucking me, then?”

“I’ve not made my mind up,” Aaron said.

“You’ve not punched me yet,” Robert said. “And I thought I had that owing.”

“I’m angry and you’ve hurt me,” Aaron said. “But even I am not such an idiot to punch you in the car park of a police station when I‘ve just got out after gbh.”

Robert shrugged. “Do it now. Not like I don’t deserve it.”

“Don’t feel sorry for yourself,” Aaron said. “What would me hitting you actually achieve?”

“Might make me feel better,” Robert said honestly. 

“I’m not going to feel sorry for you, Robert,” Aaron said. “You didn’t have to have sex with her, you brought this on yourself.”

“I know,” Robert said. “I was lonely and… God…”

“I know,” Aaron said. “I missed you so much, I know what the separation was like, it was the same for me. I was heartbroken too, Robert,” Aaron said. “I was locked in a building with a couple of hundred other men, some of whom were definitely desperate and lonely. And somehow I managed to keep my jeans zipped.” He spoke with a biting sarcasm and Robert winced. Aaron took a deep breath. “Do you love her?”

“No,” Robert said, shaking his head. 

“That almost makes it worse,” Aaron said. “I’d understand if you threw us away for love. But what, a quick screw?”

“Aaron…”

They both fell into silence. “If we’re going to have any hope at all, I need to know everything,” Aaron said. “I can’t have any surprises, Robert.”

“What’s the point?” Robert asked. “You’re going to leave me anyway.” 

Aaron looked at the floor. “I don’t want to,” Aaron said. “I’ve never felt the way I do about you for anyone else. I just need to know why, I need…”

“I didn’t want to be alone any more,” Robert said sadly. “I had no one to talk to. You’d cut me off, Liv… I love Liv, you know that but there’s no denying she’s a handful.” Aaron nodded. “I couldn’t talk to her, my emotional mindset isn’t her problem. Who else could I talk to? Vic? She’d just give me an earful about pulling myself together and I was feeling too negative to want to hear that. Adam and Chas and anyone else would all be on your side. You’re my best friend and I couldn’t talk to you. And Rebecca is a friend. Or was, anyway. I needed a friend.”

“So you called her?” Aaron asked, trying to keep his temper in check. He wanted to know everything, and getting mad at the first details wouldn’t help Robert be forthcoming. From the look on his face, and the tone in his voice ever since Aaron had known the truth, he believed Robert when he said it was a huge mistake. Guilty Robert wasn’t a sight he was overly used to. Because Robert could usually explain away all his behaviour. Even when Aaron had blown the affair to Chrissie, he hadn’t done guilt like this.

“Well, I text her, but yeah,” Robert said. “And she arrived.”

“And?” Aaron pressed.

“I sat on the floor, drinking more whisky and moaning about you,” Robert said sadly. Aaron scoffed. “I was. I… things get a little hazy, but I definitely said falling in love was for idiots. You didn’t want me any more.”

“That’s not true.”

“It’s how I felt at the time,” Robert said. “And you’re “it’s over” hardly corrected me.” Aaron allowed that and stayed silent, waiting for more. “I um…”

“Just tell me,” Aaron said.

“I’m trying,” Robert said. “It’s difficult to remember, things got blurry.”

“You _were_ drunk, weren’t you?” Aaron said, suddenly realising how bad it had got. Robert rarely didn’t remember the next morning, but Aaron had been with him for too long. He knew how Robert looked like when he was lying, and if he didn’t remember, he would have had to have been bad.

“Yeah. I’d been trying to hold everything together, the businesses, the house, trying to keep Liv going, all the time I was falling apart inside. Because I knew I wasn’t enough, I’m never enough. And when you said those things to me in prison, it just… confirmed it. I’m not enough. So I got pissed.”

“Went well for you, that, didn’t it?” Aaron said bitterly. Then he took a deep breath and attempted to calm down. “How drunk were you? Our wedding drunk, or new years eve kind of drunk?” There was a difference, Aaron knew it. On their wedding day, Robert had been buzzed, merry, but he hadn’t gone the full way over into being drunk. Aaron could always tell because Robert was a bad drunk. With enough booze, he switched into being sad, maudlin, self pitying and incredibly needy. New Years Eve was the last time Aaron had seen Robert totally smashed. After midnight, he’d been suddenly desperate to have Aaron because “he wanted to feel better.” Though why he was feeling bad at that point was anyone’s guess.

“I’ll tell you what, if you still want me in the morning when you’ve got a pounding headache, I guarantee you’ll be on a promise,” Aaron had told him. Taking that as incentive, Robert had stumbled up the stairs, and promptly gone into Liv’s bedroom, forgetting which door was their own. Liv had simply stared at him, still up as it was New Year, watching as Robert swayed, frowning at the bed. “That’s not right,” Robert moaned.

“How pissed are you?” Liv asked.

“Where’d my bedroom go?” Robert asked. Aaron had rolled his eyes and steered Robert in the right direction, buying Liv a new pair of headphones the next week to apologise. When they finally did get to bed, Robert arched himself into Aaron’s body.

“Wan’ you,” Robert slurred.

“No, you’re sad and drunk,” Aaron said.

“Still want you.” Robert kissed him messily and Aaron could taste the whisky on him and backed away.

“You’ll feel better in the morning,” Aaron had said, keeping his arms tight around him. Robert almost deflated, and within minutes was snoring, making Aaron roll his eyes. God, he loved this man.

“I was New Years Eve kind of drunk,” Robert said, pulling Aaron out of his memories.

“Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear,” Aaron warned harshly.

“I’m not,” Robert said. “I wish I could tell you what I think you want to hear, because then I’d be telling you I went nowhere near her.” Aaron said nothing. “I threw myself at her. That’s it really.”

Aaron frowned. “And she let you?”

“You really think, no matter how drunk I was, that if she said no, I’d carry on?” Robert asked in complete shock. He might be a cheat, he wasn’t an abuser.

“No, I don’t think that,” Aaron said instantly, shaking his head. “You’re missing my point. You must have thrown yourself at me a dozen times when completely drunk. I’ve never just gone along with it, because I like you sober.”

“It’s not her fault,” Robert said. “It was all me.”

“Last I checked, it definitely takes two,” Aaron said. “Was she drunk?”

“No.”

“So… you were rambling about your husband to a friend while on whisky, and your “friend” sleeps with you? This is making Rebecca look great,” he added sarcastically.

“Aaron, it was a mistake. From both of us, and it meant nothing,” Robert said. “If you never believe anything I ever say again, believe that.”  



	3. Chapter 3

Aaron needed to clear his head. The things Robert had told him... if they were true (which Aaron was inclined to believe they were), it was at the very least slightly disturbing. And Robert didn’t even seem to see it, he just felt guilty and sorry, and a little bit self pitying.

The night air was cold and refreshing, but he was alone, and after prison Aaron needed that. It felt good. He walked up from the Mill, randomly maybe, maybe his feet were just taking him home. Because he found himself outside the pub. And feeling a flash of anger, he saw Rebecca there. She was wrapped in her ridiculous fur thing, and why she was outside alone, he didn’t know. It really was too cold for a drink and Rebecca didn’t strike him as a solo creature.

“I want a word with you,” Aaron said. Rebecca looked at him, then looked at the ground. She knew he knew.

“He told you?”

“Didn’t need to,” Aaron said quickly. “You see, I know him better than that. All I had to do was look at him.”

“Okay, I get the menacing voice thing, but you’ve just got out of prison, so…”

“I want to hear your side,” Aaron said, sitting opposite him. “I want to know if he’s lying to me.”

“He’s Robert, he always lies,” Rebecca said. 

“I know. Talk.”

“Aaron, I really don’t want…”

“I didn’t want to get out of prison to find out my husband went with a cheap blonde, but we can’t always get what we want,” Aaron snapped back.

Rebecca sighed heavily. “He used me. He lied to me. He made me think we had a chance.”

“Before or after a bottle of whisky?” Aaron asked.

“He threw himself at me,” Rebecca said firmly. “It wasn’t me, he told me you were over.”

“Right,” Aaron said. “And you had no choice but to sleep with him, right?”

“Well…”

“He was drunk, and from what I hear, obviously upset.”

“Yeah, he was upset,” Rebecca admitted. "Kept rambling on actually."

“And it didn’t occur to you that either of you might regret it in the morning?” Aaron said.

“I don’t think either of us were actually thinking,” Rebecca said. “He said things that were good to hear.”

“I’m sure they were,” Aaron said. He knew exactly how well Robert could manipulate, even when drunk. “How long have you known Robert?”

“Er… four, five years maybe,” Rebecca said, wondering how that was relevant.

“And you’re seriously telling me that you don’t know he lies to get people into bed? Honestly?” Aaron asked in disbelief. Aaron had realised that with knowing Robert for about three days. If it had even taken that long.

“Do you think he’d have slept with you had he been sober?” Aaron asked.

“Probably not.” Rebecca shook her head. “The way he was the next morning? No, he wouldn’t.”

“I think you were using him,” Aaron said. “If a drunk girl had slept with a sober man, you know the man could be reported to police, right? You realise what people would call the man? What they‘d call _you?”_

“No, it wasn’t that,” Rebecca said instantly.

“Why?” Aaron asked. “Why wasn’t it that? Because the thought makes you uncomfortable?”

“Robert’s not getting away with this!” she snapped. “It was him as well! He cheated on you!”

“I’d ended it,” Aaron said, wanting to appear surer than he really was, especially to her. “When he visited me in prison that day. I couldn’t cope and told him it was over. To leave me alone.”

“Then…” Rebecca looked confused. “Why didn’t he..”

“What, go back to you?” Aaron asked. “Maybe he doesn’t want you, that ever occur to you? Maybe you’re not God‘s gift.”

“What’s so special about you?” Rebecca said quietly, as if to herself. Aaron looked at her and realised he was completely wasting his time. He got up and walked away from her without another word, going back to the Mill.

* * *

 

He found Robert where he’d left him, on the kitchen floor, a bottle of beer in his hands. “How many’ve you had?”

“No more since you left,” Robert said. “Finished yours, and that’s it.”

“Will you always want women?” Aaron asked bluntly, sitting opposite him. “Am I never going to be enough?”

“It’s not about men or women,” Robert said tiredly. “I will always be attracted to women as well as men.” Aaron looked down, fearing that. “You’ll be attracted to other men, I’m not naïve enough to think you won’t,” Robert added. “It’s no different, it doesn’t actually matter what genitals someone has.” Aaron almost flinched at his bluntness.

“You don’t make it easy for yourself do you?” Aaron said after a few seconds silence.

“Easy’s for idiots,” Robert joked, pleased when Aaron smiled slightly. “I took advantage of a friend,” Robert said seriously.

“I think she probably did the same thing to you,” Aaron said.

“No…”

“Yes, Robert, she did,” Aaron said. “I don’t know how you’re not seeing it. If it happened the way you’re telling me…”

“It did,” Robert interrupted.

“All right, it did,” Aaron said. “Then she certainly took advantage of you. She was sober, she could have said no. Should have.”

“Aaron…”

“I am not letting you off the hook,” Aaron said firmly. “Things got bad for both of us, and I never turned to someone else to make me feel better.”

“Turned to Spice, though, didn’t you?” Robert said quietly.

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “Because it numbed the pain as I was being beaten up almost every day because I was gay.” Robert stared at him. This was new information to him.

“What?”

“You heard,” Aaron said. “Although, not just that, also because I’m Gordon Livesy’s son. It got… bad. Worse than I told you. It’s no wonder I cracked.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?!” Robert said.

“What, and give you another problem to deal with?” Aaron said. “I thought things were hard enough for you, and me telling you would only make it worse. I didn’t want any more time added to my sentence for fighting with other prisoners, I had to let it go. And I knew you wouldn’t.” Aaron sighed. “That’s not the issue right now. I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for this.”

“I know,” Robert said.

“I get that you weren’t thinking straight, with alcohol and you were emotional, I get all that. But… I still see you with her. I think she used you, just waiting for her chance. That doesn’t mean you’re blameless.”

“I’m not blameless,” Robert said fervently. “I didn’t think you’d be this calm.”

“I've had a lot of time to think in prison,” Aaron said. “Calm came after going crazy, thinking of you with her.”

“It was once.”

“I know,” Aaron said, instinctively believing him.

“Are we over?” Robert asked.

“I don’t know,” Aaron said honestly. “It’s going to take time. I’m not sure I can let this go. I always feared you would cheat, but I thought… it was me being paranoid. Clearly not.”

“It won’t happen again,” Robert said. “I need you here to stop me doing the really stupid self destructive things.”

“And that was self destructive, was it?”

“Absolutely,” Robert said. Aaron shook his head. “While you’re thinking about if you can forgive me, can we talk about prison?”

“What do you want to know?” Aaron asked.

“Everything you didn’t tell me.” Aaron nodded. Robert had been honest, he could do it too. And Robert probably deserved the reasons he’d started on the drugs in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that feels like the right place to leave it. Thanks for reading!


End file.
